Four Ds for Reducing Stress
The manner in which you react to a demanding situation may have a direct bearing on how you're perceived at work, which in turn may affect performance reviews, promotions, and pay increases. Understanding how you react under different degrees of stress is the first step in managing those reactions.
Typical stress reactions can be described by these Four "Ds"
- Denial
- Dismissal
- Deferral
- Development
Each of these "D" terms represents a different coping strategy, and each may be appropriate for a particular situation. On the other hand, there may be times when a particular strategy isn't working for you, perhaps because you've relied on it too often. It's become your M.O. (
Modus operandi, or method of operation; a typical or habitual way of doing things.) Or perhaps you're handling stress inefficiently because the coping strategy you choose often doesn't fit the situations in which you apply it. Let's look at each of them in turn. See if you can spot your typical "stress M.O."
Denial--an individual in denial acts as if there is nothing wrong--no problems, no issues, nothing needing to be addressed. While similar in appearance to "turning the other cheek," the two strategies are quite different. An individual in denial is actually able to convince him- or herself that no problem exists. The benefit to this approach is that it minimizes conflict--with no issue to address there is no need for any confrontation or exposure. The downside is that when real problems go unchecked, they tend to spiral out of control, sometimes even precipitating a crisis.
Dismissal--an individual who handles stress through dismissal tends to shut others out and terminate relationships rather than address a conflict head-on. Again, conflict is (somewhat ) avoided, but the situation probably becomes even more negative by the lack of closure and the loss of any potential resolution.
Deferral--some people just have difficulty handling stress on the fly. Perhaps they know they have a temper, or possibly they prefer to handle issues in private. These individuals use the deferral strategy to put off reacting until a time when they can handle it comfortably. While some may see this as form of avoidance, it can actually be a healthy strategy as long as it does address the stress issue at a later time. On the downside, if the deferring person just lets things "blow over," they've moved past deferral and the stage is set for more trouble down the road.
Development--finally, there is the development strategy. Individuals who react to stress this way have developed a mindset that there is always something positive that can come out of any situation, and they see conflict as a fertile ground for learning. Often, individuals who react to stress in this manner seek out a friend, coach, mentor or other third party to help them process whatever happened, and they solicit perspective and advice along the way.
How an individual reacts in a demanding emotional situation tempers everything that follows. To learn more about the interpersonal skills that can help you handle stressful situations, be sure to sign up for one of SkillPath's valuable seminars, such as "Conflict Management Skills for Women" and "How to Become a Better Communicator." One is coming to a city near you soon.
